Private, intimate, on- premise
membership club. BYOB (bring your own booze) located in
the Louisville area. With over 10,000 sq. ft. of
up-scale social and play area for the sensuously
inclined couple, bi-curious female, and select single
males. Everyone has to be interviewed in order to attend.
Open every Friday and Saturday, 8PM until 8AM. Out of
area NASCA Affiliate membership cards honored.
There are many avenues for you to meet like-minded
couples. Classified ads, online chat rooms, online
bulletin boards, lifestyle magazines available at your
local adult store, strip clubs that cater to lifestyles
or host "Couples Nights", lifestyle clubs, and others.
There is no single possibility that you have to do. Pick
one or more that you feel comfortable with and take it
slow. And, you will probably have found the first thing
you have in common with another couple! If you hate
strip clubs and like online chat rooms, in a chat room
you will most likely find couples who also do not like
If you are communicating with a couple either online or
through a classified, it would be wise to take a few
Get a P.O. Box to receive mail rather than giving out
your home address.
Keep first meetings short and in a public place. It can
be real uncomfortable to plan a whole evening with a
couple only to find that you do not get along.
Keep meetings on a "no strings attached" basis.
Talk on the phone first. Talk to both partners to ensure
they are a couple and both seem to be interested in the
lifestyle. You can learn a lot about a couple over the
Create a separate online mailbox to receive and send
email to new couples to ensure your privacy.
Regardless of how long you have been in the lifestyle,
bad situations do happen. And they happen to everyone.
It won't take long before you talk to someone who had an
experience where one person started crying, or a person
was being too rough and demanding.
There is no test to give people beforehand, and even
experienced people sometimes feel jealous or lose their
mood. The best thing to do is "Stop!". It might not be
easy at the time. In fact, it will probably be one of
the hardest things you ever find yourself doing. But the
next day, you will be happy that you took control of the
situation and did what was right for you. It certainly
will not be easy if you see your spouse having a great
time while you are figuring out your grocery list in
your head. You might even feel compelled to keep going,
as you wouldn't want to spoil everyone else's fun.
But you need to be in control of you and not worry about
anyone else. If you chose a true lifestyle couple, they
will be understanding and supportive. Plus, your primary
concern should be your partner, not the other couple's
feelings. If they don't understand that, too bad. Then
you will know that either they aren't in the lifestyle
for the right reasons or that they just aren't the right
couple for you.
It's important to discuss this eventuality with your
spouse before it even happens. Some couples have come to
the agreement that if they find themselves in that
situation, they will quietly excuse themselves and feel
comfortable with their partner continuing. In reality,
this type of agreement will probably change from one
situation to another. If it is the other woman making
your wife uncomfortable, then it's doubtful she would
appreciate you continuing. Remember, this is about your
relationship and your partner. If they feel
uncomfortable with ANY situation, you need to be
supportive and available to them.
Tips to get out if you need to:
Be honest - tell the person you are with that you are
feeling uncomfortable. The hardest choice, but by far
If, for whatever reason, you find the situation to be
Bathroom break - a great way to stop the heat of the
moment and give you a chance to look in the mirror and
remember that you come first.
Get a drink
Step outside for fresh air
Anything that will give you back your control of the
situation. This is supposed to feel good. If you are
uncomfortable, then it's not working.
An amazing amount of couples find it difficult to talk
directly and honestly. When getting together with a new
partner, it's almost impossible to have a good
experience without clear communication. It's not
insulting and very necessary. We can't stress enough how
important communication is. No one can know
instinctively what his/her partner will enjoy or not
enjoy. None of us are mind readers and, when not pointed
in the right direction, end up stumbling around in the
dark. You don't have to have a long & drawn out
discussion, but you should at least lay some ground
Communication also helps everyone be at ease. There is
nothing worse than 4 people sitting around a room
waiting for someone to bring up the inevitable. But
once, it is brought up, everyone feels relieved.
Never take anything for granted. Make sure you are all
on the same page ahead of time. What is appropriate,
enjoyable and OK may vary from occasion to occasion,
even with the same couple. Just don't assume.
Depending on the club or group you are socializing with,
the attitudes towards including single men and women
into the fun can be quite diverse.
Many people feel that singles, especially single men,
have no place in the lifestyle. Others feel that by
including singles, it expands the boundaries.
Talk with your spouse about how you feel about including
singles into your circle of friends.
Many couples do not like to include singles because of
the lack of a long term relationship and feel that a
single person could pose a threat to their relationship.
Others feel that including a single is just adding a new
dimension since the single person is just being used as
Also many people have commented on how singles perceive
themselves when invited by a couple. Many single men
feel that they are providing something to a relationship
that to them is lacking. They sometimes consider
themselves to be a third part of the relationship.
As a group, you will find people in the lifestyle to be
very open and honest about their experiences. Most will
even share from their personal experiences to help and
show you support.
With that said, do not ask for specifics. The names of
other couples they have been with is personal and should
be confidential. You might be thinking, "But what about
my safety. I want to know if a couple was with someone I
think might not be whom we may want to party with."
"But what if they are with a couple we had a bad
experience with. We should let them know what jerks they
Listen, everyone is entitled to their own opinion, and
many couples get themselves in a deep hole by putting
themselves in the middle of two other couples. Remember
what is important, you and your spouse. Nobody else.
We are not saying that you shouldn't tell someone about
a couple that put you in danger. But there is a fine
line between helping and hurting a situation. If you
choose to become involved, you must be prepared for any
The same is true in reverse. It is never a good idea to
talk with other couples about who you have been with.
Generalities are fine, and can be quite enlightening in
You'll find that if you do not talk about other couples
and refuse to listen to dirt about other couples, you
can keep conversations and friendships fun and you can
be fun to be around.
Rules of conduct
Every club and most individuals have a standard of
conduct. The one universal rule is
NO MEANS NO
Here is a basic list of rules, although it should not be
considered complete, but a starter.
1. NO means NO! Always!
2. Safe fun is the only fun!
3. This is about having fun, nothing more.
4. The lifestyle can enhance a strong, honest, healthy
relationship. It will not salvage a shaky marriage, but
5. Your primary concern, and the person you leave with
is your primary partner.
6. Build friendships. You don't have to party with
someone for them to be your friend. And having lifestyle
friends can be a great support system.
7. There is nothing less attractive than a drunk, or
8. Take it slow. Its not a race, but a journey.
9. Go with the flow. If things don't seem to be working
out one evening, don't force it. After all, if you don't
enjoy their company, do you really want to party with
10. Be honest. If you meet a couple and it doesn't
click, say something. We are all adults and can handle
the truth. If they can't, you are better off finding out
11. Be respectful. Pushy people are the biggest turnoff.
12. Talk to your partner about every possible scenario.
Sooner or later, you will find yourself in it. (Example
- you are not having fun, while your spouse is having a
great time. What would like the other to do - stop,
leave the room and allow the others to continue, etc.).
Who You'll Meet
"Who goes to lifestyle clubs, and what kind of people
will we meet?" The answer is as diverse as our society.
You will meet, doctors, lawyers, mechanics, housewives,
butchers, bakers and candlestick makers.
With a community that diverse, you will most probably
find people like yourself.
What's important is finding people with similar
attitudes. At first, you will most definitely find
people more "advanced" than you. By that, we mean people
that have been in the lifestyle awhile and have lost
many of the inhibitions you might have. You will
probably also find others that are at the same place as
you. Even if you are not interested in a physical
relationship with them, they still might be fun to be
around, and can be the beginning of a great support
system for you.
You will also run into people you do not particularly
care for. That's OK. Just as in real life, you can't
expect to like everyone, and can't expect everyone to
like you. But you can still be nice and social. If they
want more from you, politely tell them you are not
interested. Most people will listen.
When you do run into those occasional pushy people, just
be firm and tell tem you are not interested. They will
get the idea sooner or later. Be blunt, if need be.
After all, we are all adults, and can handle the truth.
Here you are, with the kids at the babysitters, enjoying
a glass of wine with another couple. If it's your first
time, or theirs, everyone is probably nervous, not
knowing what to do first. If you haven't done so
already, now would be a great time to talk about your
limits, what you feel comfortable with, etc. Talking it
out first might seem weird to whoever brings it up
first, but you know its on everyone's mind. More than
likely, everyone will breathe a sigh of relief that it's
out on the table.
Many couples, including us, find it easier to start with
our own partners. Don't be afraid to keep a dialogue
going with the other couple. If you can keep talking,
joking and laughing, you will keep everyone at ease and
bring something new and exciting to your experience.